i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
