I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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