she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me I should be a condom model.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
