My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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