You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
