gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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