Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
