He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i need some magic done to my vagina
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
