If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
