The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
