Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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