you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
