i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
