I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
