Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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