If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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