I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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