Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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