What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
