somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
