just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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