The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
