And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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