I've blown a few things in my day
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
