Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
