she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
