I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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