They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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