Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
