Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
