I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
