its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i will never coherently bang her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
