So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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