I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
