do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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