life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
