It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
