so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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