you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
