i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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