By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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