Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
