I accidentally burped into my bong.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
