I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i believe in u and ur pee
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