i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
