When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pray to the hookup gods
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
