i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
