Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
