I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
