watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I deserve this hangover.
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