The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
