Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
